Mum was searching for it yesterday and was talkin with a bangla cleaner abt any cats they saw in the last 2 days. He said his fren did find a dead one on thurs and he had to do a bit of cleaning. Mum reduced her English to pri 1 standard but she couldn't get anything else out of the man 'cos he didn't understand what was colour. Additional info like "it's bad news, it must hv been a mess and they probably used water"... were all mummy's. I realised the only info she got was "dead cat found on thurs".
It was all bad parenting on my part. I tried to redirect tt anger and self-pity towards God and blaming Him for killing my kitty 'cos He was a jealous God. I misinterpreted tt idea frm Xue Zhen, but i was dead wrong. I loved Mittens but not enough to care about her like a mother would. What makes it worse is tt I cant communicate with her so I assume half the time tt she already knows that climbing the window grilles are simply dangerous. But it was because I let her since young, to climb those and even in unconscious ways led her to try out new stunts like go higher or new places. I feel so stupid. I wasted her.
