The hopelessness of trust

There was a lot of crying done in one day. I'm so tired of the whole episode already and even more so discouraged. (Skip this whole chunk... im jus complaining.) [The last few weeks, mths are like a bad dream, an insomnia whr u know u need sleep but cannot attain it. A pain tt cannot be escaped from. Like getting stuck in this rut, clubroom and unable to move beyond that. It's all thanks to the poor leadership tt is me and even poorer ppl who dun want to run the club even tho they hv a position in main committee. We are not paid and our officer squashes our ideas all the more despite efforts to keep it up and running. I'm so tired of this I wish we could just do what we wanted and not do anything video for a while.]

It's not abt me today tho. It's Kenny our loyal Logistics manager who apparently

Mittens the suicidal cat

It is normal for many of my mornings to be filled with something cat. I usually awake and sit up in bed and the 2 cats lying on my table and chair on the opposite side of the room stare back at me with deadpan eyes. Sometimes they wake me up whining to get out. Sometimes there is this horrible smell that fills the room and I cannot help but realise my dreams don't really stink tt bad. And sometimes, I wake up to the sound of click-clack on my window sill.

And it's not raining that makes it worse.

I'm so angry

I have forgotten what it's like to enjoy a movie and review it any more. It's all this crazy Videography Club stuff that's driving me to the edge of my tether. The 6 mths I haven't been blogging was flogged with random unintelligent people, meaningless late night MSN chats, Facebooking, club emails & events & workshops & so many people I have to account to and house chores. And I don't get paid.

In fact I pay more. It's not worth it. I wish I could drop school and just keep writing to pay for my meals and cats. It's simple and pathetic but at least I would be having the time of my life! I want to find back that peace again... the times when I had LOTR in hand and the whole afternoon to myself instead of rushing to someone else's event. When I can bring my cat around the void deck and feel the fresh breeze and meet the other infamous neighbourhood cats. When I can ponder on the Bible with my pen and paper. When I can gather potpourri and clean my room. When I need not get distracted by guys who try to get fresh w me and keep dropping hints. When I have time to breathe. I miss God...

(NIV) Psalm 23:1 The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not be in want.

and thus I shall sing myself to sleep, but this too shall pass.